Journey into Adulthood

I just realized that it has been a whole summer since I have last written anything here. SO because of that I figured that I would write what happened this summer and what I have been up to recently. Summer was the hottest that I have experienced ever. I didn’t realize that it would be this crazy down here in Arizona. I found my first full time teaching job at Riverview High School. I am teaching 8^th and 9^th grade Math.

Personally I have been able to look at my life and realize that there were some changes that needed to be made. One big change that occurred was when I moved wards for church. I found myself not wanting to go to church and not liking myself for not going. I decide that after a few months of not going that I needed to go back in some way. I changed to a smaller ward and I have been the happiest I have been in a long time. I was immediately welcomed and I really starting to make some friends. It was a great choice and I am glad that I got the support needed to make that happen.

School was a difficult start but I have been able to start to pick up the culture and to help the students the best that I can. With my job, come a lot of things that I am unable to tell others outside of the school.  It is from the type of school that I am at. I have been able to connect with some of the students and to see the passion that they have to change their lives around and to find success. One thing that I find exciting is that at the end of the semester there are a number of students that are eligible to return to their home schools. It will be a bittersweet feeling when they leave because we have gotten to know them so well so fast and they will be gone in December.

I have met some good friends and I have really begun to settle down and start my career. I go to work every day and get home and get things ready for the next day. Before school started I felt that I was still a little bit of a child and hadn’t stepped into adulthood but now it is a feeling of full adulthood. Life has begun and I couldn’t been anymore happier.

Life Changes

My last posts have been about my life and what I have been up to. This post will be a little bit different. It still pertains to my life but in a different way than just events.  I will have some events but mostly some feelings that I have had just recently.

Yesterday was my last day of school for the year and I am on summer break and waiting for news of where I will interview. I hope to know as soon as I can to where I will be teaching next year. Now on to my rant of some things that I have been wondering for the last little bit, that is Singles Wards.

In August I moved down here to Arizona to do some student teaching and to start my career. In that time I made sure to find the singles ward that I lived in and to attend it. Starting in August I went to church every week along with attending all of the activities. Shortly after a month I had failed to make any friends and I felt very unwelcomed in the ward. This continued to get worse as time went on. I received a calling in the ward to head up FHE and to help with setup and planning. I would attend for this reason and this reason only. Now I do not attend FHE since I have joined a soccer league and I do not attend church as often either. I know that this is a surprise to most of my family but I want to tell them that I still believe in the church but I do not believe in the ward that I am in. At this point in time I do not get any calls from members of the ward and when I invite people I get ignored by the people. I heard people commenting on how great the ward is and how welcoming they are but I still feel like a visitor even after being here for almost a year now.  I have made the choice that I no longer want to attend that ward and I will be looking to move when I am financially able to so that I can move to another ward and start attending again.

I have had these feelings for awhile and I have tried to fix it by just going to go but I can only go through so much on my own before I can’t take it anymore.  What makes it worse it that I see other members of the ward being constantly asked how they are doing but fail to make any attempts to others in the ward. I know I am not alone in this but I just wanted to let people know how I feel and where I am at in life.

I am still happy with who I am and how I living my life. I know the church is true but I would like to feel that I am welcome and needed in the ward. I have always felt that and gotten that no matter how many times I have moved.

Mother's Day

Well it is Mother’s Day and I have been sitting here trying to figure out what I could write that would express my love for my mother. I am not good with words and expressing myself. I feel that I tend to disguise them more than I should. I guess to better help this I would tell a few memories that I have of my mother. The first memory that I really hold dear to my heart was when I was in high school. My mom has never been a big fan of watching our sporting events. She was busy but she didn’t like the intense violence and injury that occurred during the games. I was okay with that. My junior year of high school I remember my Mom making the trip out to watch me wrestle in Regions. It was only one event that I remember her going to but I will remember it always because I wanted her to see all the hard work that I had put into it. I succeeded that day because I knew my Mom was there. I did not do as well as I hoped but I knew my Mom was proud of me either way.

The second event that I remember was on my mission. It was the end of the 2 years that I was called to serve in San Bernardino California. I went through my struggles but I was able to find the strength to carry on. I had a lot of support from the family and I was ready to see them again. I remember sitting at the home of the mission president and we were finishing up dinner. I went outside to talk to some of the other elders and as I opened the door to go into the house I saw my parents inside. I immediately went to my Mom and gave her the biggest hug that I have ever given her. I was so happy to see her. I knew that she was happy for me and what I had accomplished.

The most recent event that I hold dear to me is when I went to my twin brother’s wedding. I will also keep that occasion dear to me because I was able to see my twin getting married to his soulmate for eternity. I knew my Mom was happy for him and that I was going to have that same thing when the time comes. I know that Leah will be a great mother as well. She has a great example in my Mom as well.

I have seen the great example of my Mom in the way that my sisters, and sister in law have raised their children. It is a time to remember them as well. I love Crystal and Shauna for the type of mothers they are. I do not know Charissa as much as I could but from what I have seen she deserves mention as well.

TO ALL MOTHERS OUT THERE I SAY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY AND I AM PROUD OF THE GREAT EXAMPLE THAT YOU GIVE TO ALL OF US HERE ON THE EARTH.

Will of the Lord

So I have realized that it has been almost 3 weeks since I have last written anything. It is exactly 1:45 in the morning while I am writing this. I am watching my usual set of shows that I get on hulu. It has become a weekly weekend thing that I do. It relaxes me and gives me time that I do not have to worry about a whole lot. This is rare for what has happened in the last few weeks.

Lately I have been thinking about some various things. I have wrestled with a lot of different feelings and where I stand on those feelings. Sitting here not being able to sleep I have found that I have some great friends that really look out for me. The keyword to this is friends. Sometimes in life we think that we need to immediately go to the point where we need to look at people and see if we can have a relationship with them right away. That is what we think many times. Yesterday I spent an hour and a half talking to a really good friend from college. She really got me thinking about where I am in life. Tonight I have found my answer. This seems very vague. I know that I have a hard time explaining how I feel in words. It really shows that I have that logical mind rather than the creative mind.

To help explain in better terms I always go back to a quote that was given to me from my high school wrestling coach in Ohio. The quote read:

“The impossible is what no one can do, until somebody does”

I never understood what that meant for awhile until I eventually graduated from high school and started my path to a career and my adulthood. Looking back I really don’t think that I understood it till tonight. Life is full of things that we have never done before. A lot of times before we attempt these things we think that we will not be able to do it and that we are going to fail. This prevents us from accomplishing the things that we dream of when we are kids. Once we get over that fear of failing we begin to accomplish those little things and before we know it we are accomplishing things that are beyond what we thought we could ever do. That is exactly what the quote is saying. We think things are impossible until we begin to try and then we see that we can do it and it pushes us.

These last few weeks I have honestly struggled with life. I have felt that I have not accomplished a lot in life. This is far from the truth. I have a bachelor’s degree in math education and I have a steady job where I do what I love. Not very many people can say that. I made a good comment to my friend while we talked. I said “I have accepted the fact that the Lord may not have the same plan that everyone one else thinks I will have. The Lords’ will may not be to get married and have children of my home. His will may be that I get to teach other children every day for the rest of my life. I get to give them a little bit of an education and teach them how to succeed in that way.” It is something that I have not realized until yesterday.

As I am writing this I have also realized that in life the people that we cross paths with may be for a short or long time but they cross our paths for a reason. Our purpose is to figure out just exactly what their purpose is for us. They can be different for everyone.    The best way to find this purpose can be in a response that never comes. You learn so much more from it than what they do say.

From all of this I have found a couple of goals that I want to work on and see where life takes me in the future.

• ·Find a permanent teaching job for the 2013-2014 school year
•  Change myself into a person that I want to be rather than what the world thinks I can be. 
• ·         Keep in touch with those close friends that I have.
• Find a few friends that I can trust rather than a lot of friends that I sometimes don’t trust
• ·         Right the wrongs that I have done.

I I think that this is something that I really need to focus on. Some of these goals are temporal and others spiritual but they will help me to make my life in accordance of what the Lord wants me to be.